Sunday, December 30, 2007

Winter activities...

Well, yesterday was a fun-filled day. My oncle organized the annual sleigh ride for my mom's side of the family. It was a last minute thing but the boys really enjoyed themselves. There was tubing and a sleigh ride. Unfortunately, the mild weather made it impossible to skate on the outside rink. (Sorry about the photos, I forgot my camera and had to use my cell phone camera...)

Tomorrow I will be ringing in the new year and will say goodbye to 2007 with many mixed emotions. I look forward to 2008 with hope and am determined to make this new year one of personal growth and fulfillment. I wish you all health and happiness.

Take good care and be safe!


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Happy Holidays!

From my family to yours, happy holidays!
Take good care, and drive safely...

Sunday, December 23, 2007

All aboard!

Well, the boys were off on the train Friday afternoon. I wasn't quite sure how that was going to go; for them or for me... But I think it was a wise decision. My brother has kept them busy... They went to see the Senators on Saturday and Mathieu and my godson danced their hearts out for the "Fan of the Game" contest and managed to get themselves on the "jumbotronic".

For my part, I let loose on Friday - had dinner out with friends and their family and went out for a bit. Saturday I got some shopping done; it was crazy at the mall. But, under the circumstances, I think I managed quite well; I was still smiling when I came out! I then had dinner at my friend Guylaine's with her family and parents. Today, I did a bit more shopping to even things out and dropped off a few gifts with neighbours and friends. I then enlisted the help of my friend Denise (she actually volunteered) to wrapped some presents. Being around all those happy comfortable families makes me miss the comfort of my own family... as it used to be.

Tomorrow, I'm off to see my family - without Tony. His absence will most certainly be very apparent as he was always the life of the party and could make everyone laugh. It's quite lonely without him - especially tonight.

Tomorrow will be better - the kids will see to that, I'm sure!

That's it for now.

Take good care!


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Go! Habs Go!

Well, I spent a great evening at the Bell Centre with my friend Denise. We went to see the Montreal Canadiens play the Florida Panthers. We lost, but we still had fun - between the crazy guy behind me that kept swearing and shouting for the players to fight... the smelly guy in front of me and the one next to Denise and, not to mention to old guy in front of Denise who grabbed her knee to get up and never even looked back. We had a good laugh! The photo is that of images of former "Greats" being projected onto the ice before game time. It was really neat!

The boys had a Snow Day on Monday but I still managed to make it to the gym. Today, Richard was home sick with a headache. I think there must be some sort of virus going around - it must be the same thing Mat had last week. All this to say, I haven't gotten much shopping done!!! I think it'll be a mad dash on the 22nd and 23rd... The boys are off to Ottawa on Friday. They will be going to see the Senators hockey game on Saturday with my brother while I tie up loose ends. And, to keep things interesting, I've bought tickets to go see Cirque du Soleil between Christmas and New Year's Day. I hope the boys will enjoy it.

I hope you are all keeping well. You sure are a quiet bunch. (Thanks for the comment Amanda!) As Christmas keeps getting closer, I seem to be getting more into the spirit. I think its the best thing for the boys; and it's what Tony would've wanted.

Take good care!


Sunday, December 16, 2007

I think it'll be a white Christmas...

Well, my friends, it's snowing and it's been snowing all day... Apparently the kids will have yet another snow day tomorrow. I don't think they realize they're cutting into my shopping time... Oh, well! maybe I'll spend less!

I managed to actually put up a Christmas tree this weekend. Mind you, if it hadn't been for the help of my friend Denise, I think it would still be lying in the box... I actually found an old artificial tree that Tony and I use to put up in our apartment on Decarie, before the boys were born - now that's going back a while. Thirteen years or so... But it still looks pretty good, don't you think. Especially with that handsome fellow standing beside it. Yes, that's my baby Mathieu. He'll be 11 next month already. Can you believe it!

It was a busy weekend; as they all seem to be, but, very pleasant. Tony's boss, Denis, met me at Mat's hockey game on Saturday. He brought me Tony's stuff from work and a CD of photos. I don't think Tony could've handpicked a better guy for a boss. In fact, everyone at Enbridge has been very supportive and understanding throughout this whole journey and I would like to thank you all. Tony - or Richard, as you all knew him - was very proud to work for such a wonderful company and with such a great bunch of people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping him through his difficult journey and for being so understanding. You have no idea what it meant to us.

Well, that's it for now... I have to get some sleep because apparently we have a snow day tomorrow and I might just require extra energy to keep these boys busy and out of trouble. I hope I can make it to the gym...

Take good care! And drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Exercise keeps me sane - I think !

Mathieu has been off school for two days now. On a positive note, he cleaned his room; which is more than I can say... He still has an itchy rash on his abdomen and complains of a headache... when he remembers. He'll be going to school tomorrow, with a note to call if he's not well. My guess is that he'll forget all about it once he sees all of his friends. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

Christmas is just around the corner and I'm trying to get into the spirit... Without much success. The Holidays have always been a time for family and a large part of my family was Tony. This season makes his absence all that more apparent. There's no running away from it. Although I'm willing to try...

Mathieu didn't want to stay alone today, so I didn't get to go to the gym. However, because I was feeling so blue, I pulled out some of Tony's old weights and did what I could of my program. For cardio, instead of doing my 30 min. on the elliptical trainer I went outside for a 15 min jog. It felt good. Then I shovelled some snow. I didn't feel all bubbly and overjoyed, but I think I would've been a lot more blue without the exercise. I talked to some friends on the phone tonight and that helped too.

One day at a time... I will get through this. Hopefully I will learn whatever lesson it is that I am meant to learn on this journey. Hopefully I will become a better person because of it. My kids deserve at least that much.

That's it for now.

Take good care!


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Bah hum bug!

Tony & me at last year's Christmas party

Well, the cleaning lady came by yesterday; bright and early. She's as quick as the Tazmanian devil; but very nice. On 4 hours of sleep, I didn't feel ready for her... But we forged ahead and made some good progress. Now I have about 10 loads of laundry to sort and fold... and make room for. I think I've been indulging in too much shopping therapy lately. She'll be back tomorrow, so I really should be at it again. The toughest part is going through the papers. Yesterday, I came across the notes I took when I booked Tony into the West Island Palliative Care Residence. That slowed me down considerably... and brought all those emotions back in a flash... The gym was good outlet!

After speaking to Rich regarding his less than impressive result on a Math test, he has score 100%, 99% and 100% on his last three tests. I think he really wants to go on the field trip to NY City. Well done Rich! There's nothing wrong with being smart.

Mathieu has had a rash on his abdomen for the last few days. I'm not sure if its contact dermatitis or some other thing, but he was quite itchy at school yesterday so we'll be seeing a doctor this afternoon. Maybe I'm just paranoid? Also, after his hockey practice last night he told me that he too had a headache. He said that when he moved his head everything inside felt like it was moving... As it turns out, he fell and hit his head on ice at school. I checked his pupils before he went to bed last night, and they seem to be dilating fine. What is NORMAL!!!??? Maybe if I tied the boys to the couch we'd have no broken bones, concussions, knee problems... Of course, it would be pretty boring. So, I guess I'll just have to keep at it...

Unfortunately, no matter how fast I run, the Holidays are catching up to me. I've actually ordered some gifts online in the hopes of avoiding to much hands on gift shopping.

That's it for now...

Take good care everyone.


Sunday, December 9, 2007

Fifteen days of shopping left...

Where does the time go? Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am in total denial about the Holidays... I so don't want to live through that... that I have managed to fool myself into almost believing that its not going to happen. Well, I suppose I need to wake up and smell the coffee. The boys are still gonna expect gifts on Christmas morning; whether or not their Dad is there. But, you know, the more people I talk to -as I am coming out of hiding - the more I realize and appreciate how very special Tony really was. Of course, I always thought so, but as I talk to different people I know that I am not simply remembering just the good stuff... He really was that great, and it makes this Season all the more difficult. He is the one who went to buy a tree with the boys and put it up. He and the boys would struggle to untangle the lights and put them up... Also, the only time he ever wanted to go shopping was to go buy the boys' Christmas gifts. He really enjoyed it. I think it made him feel like a kid again - besides what do I know about gifts for boys? I will get through this... I'm sure. But at times, I wish it didn't have to be so difficult. ONE DAY AT A TIME... I must remember!

The photos above are of Richard and his football coach and Mathieu and his football coaches. I attended both Mathieu and Richard's football banquets this weekend. Mathieu was awarded the Offensive MVP trophy, while Richard - who was sidelined half the season with his broken wrist - got a special mention from the coach. It was a busy weekend - two hockey games, three hockey practices and two football banquets. I have a cleaning lady coming in tomorrow and I'm not quite ready for her... Oh well! I suppose I should go clear up a few things so she can actually clean the house.

I hope you are all keeping well. Feel free to drop me a line.

Take good care!


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Snow Day!!!

Tony sent me a nice surprise for our 14th wedding anniversary... A snow storm! I got to spend the day with my boys rather than alone! It was a blessing in disguise. Also, last night, as I cried myself to sleep I was reading one of the books I bought to help me deal with my grief and came across an interesting passage. It read: "...we need to stay open and present in the face of grief and allow the emptiness to simply be. If we fill it with our pain, there won't be room for anything else." It's a tall order but it seems to make sense somehow.

I realized today that Richard needs some kind of routine and stability; a home cooked meal every now and then. He was thankful when I actually took out a recipe book and made an alfredo sauce for his pasta. I realized then that I really have to make an effort to be more like I used to be... even though that might require quite a bit of energy and effort. As for Mathieu, I have to keep at him to pick up after himself, something that I haven't really been doing and that is really getting his older brother upset. Rich is just like his Dad. He likes things just a certain way... We'll get it right eventually. I'm determined!

Back to the gym tomorrow. I had to cancel my session today because of the snow. Hopefully, my trainer won't be too tough on me!

That's it for now.

Take good care!


Sunday, December 2, 2007

I will love you always...

Friday was a very difficult day. Luckily, I had the support of good friends. Between the children fighting with each other and with me, my visit to the cemetary and our approaching anniversary, I wasn't at my best. I'm still working on it...ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The plaque on Tony's pedastal was installed a few weeks ago and its beautiful. When I went to place a wreath on it with my friend Guylaine, there was a fox walking across his plot and it came to within 10 feet of us before a car drove by and scared it away. He was beautiful and made me think of Tony.

After yesterday's hockey practice, Richard's knee was sore, so he was sidelined for his hockey game today. Mathieu's team went back to St-Pierre-les-Becquets for their tournament and won their game on Saturday but lost in the finale this afternoon. I am very thankful to my brother for having taken him there... It was just a bit more than I could handle this weekend.

Back to the gym tomorrow... Pretty soon, you'll not recognize me! Ah! Ah!

That's it for now.

Take good care!