Winter activities...

Well, yesterday was a fun-filled day. My oncle organized the annual sleigh ride for my mom's side of the family. It was a last minute thing but the boys really enjoyed themselves. There was tubing and a sleigh ride. Unfortunately, the mild weather made it impossible to skate on the outside rink. (Sorry about the photos, I forgot my camera and had to use my cell phone camera...)

Tomorrow I will be ringing in the new year and will say goodbye to 2007 with many mixed emotions. I look forward to 2008 with hope and am determined to make this new year one of personal growth and fulfillment. I wish you all health and happiness.

Take good care and be safe!

Renée

Happy Holidays!

From my family to yours, happy holidays!

Take good care, and drive safely...

Renée

All aboard!

Well, the boys were off on the train Friday afternoon. I wasn't quite sure how that was going to go; for them or for me... But I think it was a wise decision. My brother has kept them busy... They went to see the Senators on Saturday and Mathieu and my godson danced their hearts out for the "Fan of the Game" contest and managed to get themselves on the "jumbotronic".

For my part, I let loose on Friday - had dinner out with friends and their family and went out for a bit. Saturday I got some shopping done; it was crazy at the mall. But, under the circumstances, I think I managed quite well; I was still smiling when I came out! I then had dinner at my friend Guylaine's with her family and parents. Today, I did a bit more shopping to even things out and dropped off a few gifts with neighbours and friends. I then enlisted the help of my friend Denise (she actually volunteered) to wrapped some presents. Being around all those happy comfortable families makes me miss the comfort of my own family... as it used to be.

Tomorrow, I'm off to see my family - without Tony. His absence will most certainly be very apparent as he was always the life of the party and could make everyone laugh. It's quite lonely without him - especially tonight.

Tomorrow will be better - the kids will see to that, I'm sure!

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Go! Habs Go!

Well, I spent a great evening at the Bell Centre with my friend Denise. We went to see the Montreal Canadiens play the Florida Panthers. We lost, but we still had fun - between the crazy guy behind me that kept swearing and shouting for the players to fight... the smelly guy in front of me and the one next to Denise and, not to mention to old guy in front of Denise who grabbed her knee to get up and never even looked back. We had a good laugh! The photo is that of images of former "Greats" being projected onto the ice before game time. It was really neat!


The boys had a Snow Day on Monday but I still managed to make it to the gym. Today, Richard was home sick with a headache. I think there must be some sort of virus going around - it must be the same thing Mat had last week. All this to say, I haven't gotten much shopping done!!! I think it'll be a mad dash on the 22nd and 23rd... The boys are off to Ottawa on Friday. They will be going to see the Senators hockey game on Saturday with my brother while I tie up loose ends. And, to keep things interesting, I've bought tickets to go see Cirque du Soleil between Christmas and New Year's Day. I hope the boys will enjoy it.

I hope you are all keeping well. You sure are a quiet bunch. (Thanks for the comment Amanda!) As Christmas keeps getting closer, I seem to be getting more into the spirit. I think its the best thing for the boys; and it's what Tony would've wanted.


Take good care!


Renée

I think it'll be a white Christmas...

Well, my friends, it's snowing and it's been snowing all day... Apparently the kids will have yet another snow day tomorrow. I don't think they realize they're cutting into my shopping time... Oh, well! maybe I'll spend less!

I managed to actually put up a Christmas tree this weekend. Mind you, if it hadn't been for the help of my friend Denise, I think it would still be lying in the box... I actually found an old artificial tree that Tony and I use to put up in our apartment on Decarie, before the boys were born - now that's going back a while. Thirteen years or so... But it still looks pretty good, don't you think. Especially with that handsome fellow standing beside it. Yes, that's my baby Mathieu. He'll be 11 next month already. Can you believe it!

It was a busy weekend; as they all seem to be, but, very pleasant. Tony's boss, Denis, met me at Mat's hockey game on Saturday. He brought me Tony's stuff from work and a CD of photos. I don't think Tony could've handpicked a better guy for a boss. In fact, everyone at Enbridge has been very supportive and understanding throughout this whole journey and I would like to thank you all. Tony - or Richard, as you all knew him - was very proud to work for such a wonderful company and with such a great bunch of people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping him through his difficult journey and for being so understanding. You have no idea what it meant to us.

Well, that's it for now... I have to get some sleep because apparently we have a snow day tomorrow and I might just require extra energy to keep these boys busy and out of trouble. I hope I can make it to the gym...

Take good care! And drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you.

Renée

Exercise keeps me sane - I think !

Mathieu has been off school for two days now. On a positive note, he cleaned his room; which is more than I can say... He still has an itchy rash on his abdomen and complains of a headache... when he remembers. He'll be going to school tomorrow, with a note to call if he's not well. My guess is that he'll forget all about it once he sees all of his friends. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

Christmas is just around the corner and I'm trying to get into the spirit... Without much success. The Holidays have always been a time for family and a large part of my family was Tony. This season makes his absence all that more apparent. There's no running away from it. Although I'm willing to try...

Mathieu didn't want to stay alone today, so I didn't get to go to the gym. However, because I was feeling so blue, I pulled out some of Tony's old weights and did what I could of my program. For cardio, instead of doing my 30 min. on the elliptical trainer I went outside for a 15 min jog. It felt good. Then I shovelled some snow. I didn't feel all bubbly and overjoyed, but I think I would've been a lot more blue without the exercise. I talked to some friends on the phone tonight and that helped too.

One day at a time... I will get through this. Hopefully I will learn whatever lesson it is that I am meant to learn on this journey. Hopefully I will become a better person because of it. My kids deserve at least that much.

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Bah hum bug!

Tony & me at last year's Christmas party

Well, the cleaning lady came by yesterday; bright and early. She's as quick as the Tazmanian devil; but very nice. On 4 hours of sleep, I didn't feel ready for her... But we forged ahead and made some good progress. Now I have about 10 loads of laundry to sort and fold... and make room for. I think I've been indulging in too much shopping therapy lately. She'll be back tomorrow, so I really should be at it again. The toughest part is going through the papers. Yesterday, I came across the notes I took when I booked Tony into the West Island Palliative Care Residence. That slowed me down considerably... and brought all those emotions back in a flash... The gym was good outlet!

After speaking to Rich regarding his less than impressive result on a Math test, he has score 100%, 99% and 100% on his last three tests. I think he really wants to go on the field trip to NY City. Well done Rich! There's nothing wrong with being smart.


Mathieu has had a rash on his abdomen for the last few days. I'm not sure if its contact dermatitis or some other thing, but he was quite itchy at school yesterday so we'll be seeing a doctor this afternoon. Maybe I'm just paranoid? Also, after his hockey practice last night he told me that he too had a headache. He said that when he moved his head everything inside felt like it was moving... As it turns out, he fell and hit his head on ice at school. I checked his pupils before he went to bed last night, and they seem to be dilating fine. What is NORMAL!!!??? Maybe if I tied the boys to the couch we'd have no broken bones, concussions, knee problems... Of course, it would be pretty boring. So, I guess I'll just have to keep at it...


Unfortunately, no matter how fast I run, the Holidays are catching up to me. I've actually ordered some gifts online in the hopes of avoiding to much hands on gift shopping.

That's it for now...


Take good care everyone.


Renée

Fifteen days of shopping left...

Where does the time go? Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am in total denial about the Holidays... I so don't want to live through that... that I have managed to fool myself into almost believing that its not going to happen. Well, I suppose I need to wake up and smell the coffee. The boys are still gonna expect gifts on Christmas morning; whether or not their Dad is there. But, you know, the more people I talk to -as I am coming out of hiding - the more I realize and appreciate how very special Tony really was. Of course, I always thought so, but as I talk to different people I know that I am not simply remembering just the good stuff... He really was that great, and it makes this Season all the more difficult. He is the one who went to buy a tree with the boys and put it up. He and the boys would struggle to untangle the lights and put them up... Also, the only time he ever wanted to go shopping was to go buy the boys' Christmas gifts. He really enjoyed it. I think it made him feel like a kid again - besides what do I know about gifts for boys? I will get through this... I'm sure. But at times, I wish it didn't have to be so difficult. ONE DAY AT A TIME... I must remember!

The photos above are of Richard and his football coach and Mathieu and his football coaches. I attended both Mathieu and Richard's football banquets this weekend. Mathieu was awarded the Offensive MVP trophy, while Richard - who was sidelined half the season with his broken wrist - got a special mention from the coach. It was a busy weekend - two hockey games, three hockey practices and two football banquets. I have a cleaning lady coming in tomorrow and I'm not quite ready for her... Oh well! I suppose I should go clear up a few things so she can actually clean the house.

I hope you are all keeping well. Feel free to drop me a line.

Take good care!

Renée

Snow Day!!!

Tony sent me a nice surprise for our 14th wedding anniversary... A snow storm! I got to spend the day with my boys rather than alone! It was a blessing in disguise. Also, last night, as I cried myself to sleep I was reading one of the books I bought to help me deal with my grief and came across an interesting passage. It read: "...we need to stay open and present in the face of grief and allow the emptiness to simply be. If we fill it with our pain, there won't be room for anything else." It's a tall order but it seems to make sense somehow.

I realized today that Richard needs some kind of routine and stability; a home cooked meal every now and then. He was thankful when I actually took out a recipe book and made an alfredo sauce for his pasta. I realized then that I really have to make an effort to be more like I used to be... even though that might require quite a bit of energy and effort. As for Mathieu, I have to keep at him to pick up after himself, something that I haven't really been doing and that is really getting his older brother upset. Rich is just like his Dad. He likes things just a certain way... We'll get it right eventually. I'm determined!

Back to the gym tomorrow. I had to cancel my session today because of the snow. Hopefully, my trainer won't be too tough on me!

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

I will love you always...

Friday was a very difficult day. Luckily, I had the support of good friends. Between the children fighting with each other and with me, my visit to the cemetary and our approaching anniversary, I wasn't at my best. I'm still working on it...ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The plaque on Tony's pedastal was installed a few weeks ago and its beautiful. When I went to place a wreath on it with my friend Guylaine, there was a fox walking across his plot and it came to within 10 feet of us before a car drove by and scared it away. He was beautiful and made me think of Tony.

After yesterday's hockey practice, Richard's knee was sore, so he was sidelined for his hockey game today. Mathieu's team went back to St-Pierre-les-Becquets for their tournament and won their game on Saturday but lost in the finale this afternoon. I am very thankful to my brother for having taken him there... It was just a bit more than I could handle this weekend.

Back to the gym tomorrow... Pretty soon, you'll not recognize me! Ah! Ah!

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

A better day...

Well, yesterday did improve after I went out and actually jogged for 15 minutes straight... That's a first for me... at least in my adult life! Today, I had an appointment with my personal trainer and with my therapist, so I'm feeling much better. My therapist actually told me that I could pass for 30 something... Of course, I have to keep in mind that I pay the woman; but still! I choose to believe that she was being honest. So, don't anyone burst my bubble!



Richard's knee seems a bit better. He stayed on the bench for his basketball game and hockey practice yesterday. I think that helped. Mathieu is looking forward to the second half of his hockey tournament in St-Pierre-les-Becquets this weekend; and, I'm pretty happy as well... My dear brother has agreed to take him! What a gem he is; and Mathieu's really happy about it as well. You can't beat that. I think the adult male company will do him a world of good.



I hate to admit it, but other than doing some laundry, the dishes, preparing a meal and moving a few piles of paper around, the house is still pretty much a mess. I think I'll need to call in professional help. Who am I kidding... When it comes to cleaning, I'm just an amateur, and this situation requires a professional...



I bumped into a colleague from work and a soccer-mom at the mall this afternoon. It was very nice seeing them. People have been so kind and considerate to me... It's heartwarming. I miss work but I'm afraid my brain is still not quite ready to handle any additional stress or any type of continued activity requiring concentration or focus. I do hope to see my colleagues before the holidays, maybe for lunch?



Well, that's it for now.



Take good care!



Renée

A grey day...

It's very grey and heavy today, and that's exactly the way I feel. I don't know if it's our upcoming anniversary or Christmas or both, but I would run away if I could. Luckily, I'll be quite busy after lunch. For now, I should be busy cleaning and doing laundry; but I'm procrastinating. I've started cleaning three rooms at the same time. I guess I have to focus - not my strong point right now, though!

Richard's knee hurts again. He was limping this morning. I think its a mix of growth spurt and too much jumping at basketball practice that has aggravated his condition (Osgood-Schlatter Disease). I really can't wait for 2007 to be over!

On the other hand, Mathieu's IBS is acting up. It think its nerves and excitement; between the possible surgery, the hockey tournament, the soccer game he might miss because of hockey, his dad... And, he doesn't want to talk about it or see the therapist... It's doing a number on his gut.

Well, I think I should do something to kick this doom and gloom. I don't really have time for the gym, so I might just try to go outside and see if I can jog for a few minutes... Fresh air might be just what the doctor ordered. The mess will be there when I come back in... If not, maybe a quick trip to the mall (ha!).

Well, that's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Hockey, hockey, and more hockey...

Well the weekend was busy. I did manage to get to the gym on Friday; and I'm very glad I did. The boys were off school so Mathieu came with me and hooked up with a gang in the gym to play basketball. The only thing is, now he wants to go everyday!

Saturday, Sylvie, Tristan, Renée-Anne, Francis, Mathieu and myself made our way to St-Pierre-les-Becquets for a hockey tournament. We were booked into a hotel for the night and the boys were just bursting with energy and excitement. For most of them, I think it was their first away tournament. They lost their game on Saturday and won on Sunday... Which means the team has to go back next Saturday for a game at 4:40pm. It's about 2 hours and 15 minutes away; if there's not too much traffic, construction, snow, etc. I'm still working on getting out of that one. I'm not sure if Mat will go without me, or if I'll feel comfortable sending him without me. Ah! The joys of being a hockey mom! We did have fun; but there's only so much to see in St-Pierre-les-Becquets. (Above is a photo of Coach Dave with some of the boys from Mathieu's team - having dinner in a fancy restaurant!!!)

Rich stayed with his buddy Andrew, and by the looks of him yesterday, I don't think they did much sleeping. Teenagers... He will be lacing up his skates tonight for a practice; keep your fingers crossed.

We have an appointment booked to see a surgeon regarding Mathieu's surgery on January 9th. Until then, I'll try not to think about it too much; other than maybe draw up a list of questions so that we don't forget anything. I might also get back in touch with the Familial GI Cancer Registry at Mount Sinai. The lady was trying to find a Buddy for Mathieu; a boy who has gone through the same thing and could possible chat with Mathieu and answer some of his questions...

Well, that's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Snow, snow, go away...

It's way too early for this kind of weather. I am, however, grateful that the boys had school today, in spite of the weather; snow, rain, rain pellets... We saw just about every sort of precipitation possible. And, let me tell you... I'm not a fan! Cuba sounds pretty good right about now!

I had parent-teacher interviews today - for both boys... And, all things considered, I'm pretty happy! They are both doing well. Of course, we'll require a few adjustments, but they are on the right course for a successful school year. It's not all that obvious; and I'm very proud of them. Their Dad would be proud too!

We have an appointment booked with the surgeon for January 9th. We have to draw up a list of questions for him. Most importantly, Mathieu wants to ensure that any surgery will not interfere with his football or hockey season. I tell you, my son sure has his priorities straight!...

Next week, Richard should be lacing up his skates for the first time this season. He will just skate around for the first few practices as it is only 5 weeks since his cast came off and they said 6 weeks. I think the games will become more interesting for me once he's on the ice; no offense to the rest of the team!!!

Well, that's it for now... Have a great weekend!

Take good care!

Renée

Tell me why I don't like Mondays

I woke up in a cold house to a call from Mathieu's gastroenterologist who had the pathology results from last week's colonoscopy. Just as was the case last year, the biopsy showed adenomatous change and some signs of dysplasia. Again, it shouldn't have been a surprise... but I had - willingly, I guess - chosen to forget about it. We had talked about surgery last year. However, because Tony was still in treatment, we thought that having one family member at the hospital at a time was probably all we could handle. Of course, they had assured us that we were not putting Mathieu at risk - in any way... Well, the Dr. will be scheduling a small bowel series as well as a consultation with a surgeon within the next 2 months. It looks like I'll be getting to know my way around the Children's Hospital a lot better in the near future.... I have to remember - ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! And, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

It took about 10 calls before I found someone who agreed to come fix my heating system. They will be by tomorrow morning. So, its really cold here! I did manage to get to the gym; even though I didn't feel like it. I knew it would make me feel better... and it did! I've fallen behind in the house work, though... and my day is completely booked tomorrow. The good thing is I won't have time to think of anything but what I should be doing next. For now, that's probably a good thing.

Well, enough rambling... Tomorrow is another day and it should be better! I'm convinced!

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Sunny Sunday

It was sunny and very cold today. And, as my heating system is on the fritz, we can feel the chill even in the house. I have had the oven on most of day today. I will have to call a repairman tomorrow. Our heating system is hot-water-electric and the motor will start and stop immediately - constantly. I went down to check and didn't like the smell so I turned it off. I figured I would wait until Monday to call so as not to get charged double time for a weekend call. Thank goodness for downfilled comforters.

I seriously feel like I've taken a step back in my healing process over the last week. I think that Mathieu's visits to the hospital brought me back to a place I didn't necessarily want to go just yet. However, I would do anything to ensure that he remains healthy - even if that means having surgery this summer and me going a little batty yet again. I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm sure that that is making everything more difficult and dark today. I will go to bed shortly and I will try to counter all of the negativity with a visit to the GYM tomorrow morning!!! and maybe the pool!!!

When we were driving home from the hospital last Tuesday, Mathieu heard an ad on the radio for open auditions and asked me to call to get him an audition. So, I did. And we went Saturday morning and back again today. He is all keen on becoming an actor. Well, if this will make him happy and get him focusing on something other than all the unpleasantness we will most likely have to deal with in the next year or so; why not. So, I'm looking into getting him some acting lessons. It's all about articulating, projecting your voice, your poise, public speaking, etc. Things that will serve him whatever his chosen career may be in the future.

We spoke to my in-laws this morning and I took photos of the boys while they were on the phone with their grand-parents. Richard was just up... as you can see. I think it was just a little after noon! Teenagers...

Well that's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

One day at a time - Take three

Well, I allowed myself 24 h of self-pity. Now we're done! Mathieu went to school late this morning; after I fed him bacon and eggs. I met with my trainer and am determined to become a "skinny bi#$%". By the way she was helping me stretch, apparently, she is also convinced that I will become a pretzel...

After the gym, I met with my friend Linda and we went for a walk by the lake. Our walk was quite brisk as it was very windy. All of this was very therapeutic. There's jut something about water and the sky... I ended the afternoon with a bit of shopping therapy (I'm really gonna have to stop that) and a visit to my therapist who, thankfully, makes me feel almost normal. Apparently, I am not insane or too neurotic. Well, that's good news. Isn't it? Especially for those boys of mine.

My friend Sandee includes something that she is thankful for in everyone of her blog entries. I think its always good to keep things in perspective and take the good with the bad. But, when things are difficult it is particularly helpful to stop and remember and be thankful for what we do have or have had.

So, today I am thankful for having known true love, trust, selflessness, devotion, happiness, optimism, laughter and hope. I lived and felt all of these things because I was married to a wonderful man. Tony, wherever you are, please know that I will always love you and I will always be thankful to you for giving me two wonderful boys and for making me a better person. Rest in peace... You certainly deserve it.

That's all for now.

Goodnight! and take good care.

Renée

P.S. Richard played his first basketball of the season today and they won 91 to 33. BRAVO!

The day is almost over...

We were back at the hospital today for Mathieu's endoscopy and colonoscopy. I don't know what I was expecting; I don't think I'd really stopped to think about it... Other than to hope they didn't want to perform a colectomy in the very near future. I knew there would be more polyps; and there were. Mathieu was quiet before the procedure. He managed to guilt my Mom into giving him $25. He was working on me to get me to buy him an XBox 360. Well, I haven't bought one yet. He was very brave and strong and did not complain; except for the fact that he wasn't allowed to eat anything he wanted this evening. He wanted to take the day off school tomorrow so he could eat all day - play catch up, if you'd like. Nevertheless, he will be going to school; probably a bit late - after a large breakfast.. but he will be going!

Unfortunately, the prep was not 100% and the doctor did not get a totally clear view. She said she counted 26 and that there could reasonably be another 10 polyps that she counldn't see. That is double last year's number. I asked if that meant that there could be another 18 next year, or worse if it could possible double again to reach 72??? She says there is no clear answer for that. She will be booking us an appointment with a surgeon to discuss the possibilities and the timing for surgery. She says that they usually suggest doing it before adolescence! Mathieu will be 11 in January. If we want to do this in the summer so that he doesn't have to (possibly) attend school with a temporary colostomy bag, that only gives us two options.

OKAY!!!! I need to remember.... One day at a time. Being able to share this burden with Tony would certainly make this much easier. But I guess I'll just have to deal with it... and remember to do it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Keep busy, keep active, get fit. And, in spite of everything, try to keep sane. That last one might be a tall order... I'll keep you posted! I'm sure Tony would say, "We have to keep things normal for the kids...". And so I will try!

Richard is on the mend. He did the dry land training with his hockey team tonight and practiced with his basketball team yesterday.

Tomorrow is another day! That's it for now...

Take good care everyone.

Renée

Brave but stubborn...

After one day on a liquid diet (Sunday), today was clear liquids only for Mathieu... and medicine. The only problem was, Mathieu did not want to drink the magic potion. I had him speak to the nurse who told him that if he didn't drink the stuff, they would have to put a tube down his nose to his stomach and infuse the medicine directly to his stomach via his nose. Well, believe it or not, he chose the nose tube rather than drinking two glasses of orangy liquid!!!

I was upset at first. I actually thought that he would change his mind once we got to the hospital and we would not be able to have him prepped in time for his colonoscopy which is scheduled for tomorrow - Tuesday. Well, he was good to his word. Even while the nurse was putting the tube in his nose, he still insisted that it was better than having to drink that stuff. Go figure... I, on the other hand, could have done without those five hours in the hospital watching liquid drip into a loved one of mine. Déjà vu. Been there, done that... Need I say more! But, he was a real trooper.

Let just hope that tomorrow's scope is just as smooth...

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Brave little man

The 13th is getting closer, and I'm getting a bit more fidgetty. I'm hoping that the forces that be will be kind enough not to test our strength just yet. I know the day will come when Mathieu will need a colectomy (have his colon removed), but I don't think I could handle it just yet... We'll just have to wait and see what happens Tuesday - ONE DAY AT A TIME! It's difficult to remember at times.

Mathieu was off school with a sore throat yesterday. I took him for a strep test, just in case. It hurt when he swallowed... And, because he will be under for his procedure, I wanted to ensure that he was okay. Well, the quick test was negative and we're waiting on the longer test to confirm this. He is still coughing quite a bit, so I will call the nurse Thursday or Friday to make sure I don't make him do a 48-hour prep for no reason...

This afternoon Mathieu and I went to the Children's Hospital for his pre-op tests. Although he hates getting blood tests, he was very brave. Unlike last year when I had to hold him down, there was no struggling or kicking this time around. I am very thankful for that.

Richard has been invited to try out for his football league's Elite team. They will practice from February on and will participate in a provincial tournament in July. Congratulations Rich! I'm sure your Dad would be very proud of you.

Thanks for your comments. A few people asked how I manage to do everything... I don't. The house is a mess. But, there's food, clean clothes and some clean dishes... Unfortunately, there are always a few dirty dishes in the sink. Those two boys of mine eat constantly...

Well, that's it for now. Let me know who's out there; send me a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

Take good care!

Renée

Funny kind of day

It's been a funny kind of day... I woke up to a sunny morning and was quite positive and optimistic, but as the clouds rolled in, my mood got darker... It's probably just lack of sleep. That, or the 12 min. on the eliptical trainer at the gym... Just kidding!

I met with my new personal trainer this morning. Wouldn't you know it, Mary is from Belfast; and her husband is actually from Glengormley (that's where Tony's parents live - I think). That's got to be a sign.

Mathieu has his colonoscopy booked for next week - the 13th. The nurse and I have been playing telephone tag all day. It looks like he will be on clear liquids for 48 hours; my poor baby! We still have to go in for pre-op apparently. So it'll be a busy week. Between the pre-op, the bank, the psychologist, a visit to Hawkesbury, an appointment with my new personal trainer and Richard's PD day on Friday, my agenda is pretty full - and that's not even taking into account the hockey games and practices - or the laundry, groceries, dishes and shopping therapy!

I stopped by the cemetary today and visited Tony's pedastal. I find it difficult to think that that piece of stone is where he is. I just don't feel it! I feel closer to Tony when I look up at the sky... I miss him terribly and trust that he is resting in peace.

Well, enough rambling... That's it for now.

Take good care! And send me some messages... I know you're out there!

Renée

Another nice day...

Sometimes, just taking the time to admire the sun set can bring a smile to your face. When I look at the sky I think of Tony...

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

A quick visit with Dad

Mathieu had a PD day today. Those teachers are so smart. Who'd want to be in a classroom full of kids who've had too little sleep and too much candy? The down side to that, is that the parents are the ones to suffer... Well, I can't complain too much. Mathieu was pretty good, considering.

I had made plans for the day. I figured if we had a specific plan to focus on, things might be a little bit easier. We went to Hawkesbury to have lunch with my Dad. It was short, but sweet... Looking forward to some extra sleep tomorrow morning before I tackle a week's worth of laundry and a very messy house.

TGIF everyone!

That's it for now...

Take good care!

Renée

P.S. I have an appointment with a personal trainer on Monday. Watch out health fanatics, here I come....

Trick or Treat...

Richard's friend Andrew

Me and the boys

Richard

Mathieu

Mathieu's friend Tristan with his dad Shawn

It was a good day and a good Halloween night. I went for walk and then lunch with my friend Linda. This evening I went over to my friend Sylvie's, Andrew and Tristan's mom, and gave out candy with her. The weather was so pleasant we were actually sitting outside sipping wine and giving out candy. We even managed to scare a few kids...

It's all good. One day at a time does the trick - I just need to remember that!

That's it for now.

Take good care!

Renée

Give me strength...

I want to run... I want to jump out of my skin... Shop til I drop. Anything to avoid feeling this hollowness inside. I don't want to know that he's not coming back. But, no matter what I do to try to escape or avoid the fact, it remains the truth. So, rather than do anything counterproductive, my therapist suggested I really make an effort to channel my energy into something positive that will help; so tonight I bought us a family membership at a health club. I do have the best of intentions. Let's just hope that after taking every last bit of energy I had to survive the last two and half years, I can find the courage and strength to start over and take care of myself this time so that I can be a better mother and a better person. Just thinking about it has me exhausted... and scared to death!

I'm sure a good night's sleep will do wonders for me. Please send positive vibes my way. I could sure use them.


Take good care!


Renée


P.S. I'll be fine; don't worry!

The cast is OFF!

Yes! folks, the cast came off yesterday... Bad news is Rich cannot return to his activities just yet. The Doc said up to 6 more weeks of physio. We'll see how it goes. We'll take it one day at a time.

The weather was certainly grey today. Luckily I was able to keep busy with the boys activities. Mathieu had a game and a practice, while Rich's team played tonight. It was a successful day for both teams. YEAH!!!!!

I'm hoping tomorrow will be sunny and bright. It might help lift my mood, I feel very lonely... even in a room full of people. What's up with that? Tony always knew how to fill the void and make me feel better; make me feel loved, special. A simple look did the trick. I really miss that and his big hugs.

So off I go to finish the dishes...YUCK! and then to bed as we have an early game tomorrow. Someone do a little sun dance for me, will you?

That's it for now.

Take good care.

Renée

P.S. The helicopter photos should be coming shortly.

Flowery Fall

The weather is just beutiful for the end of October. Flowers are actually still coming up in the middle of fallen leaves. They're the bulbs that my father-in-law planted last spring. We didn't think we'd see any flowers this year as none came out during the summer...

I raked the leaves this afternoon and when I asked Mathieu to help me bag them, he thought it was much more fun to play in them... I'd rather he play with leaves than watch TV, so the leaves have yet to be bagged. I hope it doesn't rain tonight or tomorrow!

I am happy to report that football season, playoffs and all, is officially over. Thank goodness for that. School and hockey will keep us all busy enough. Hopefully, Richard will be on the ice within the next two weeks. He should get his cast off on Friday and maybe some physio.... I can't wait; and, needless to say, neither can he! In the meantime, he is attending practices and games to feel like part of the team.

Thanks to everyone who sent comments. Don't be shy; keep them coming!

That's it for now...

Take good care!

Renée